What Your Mess Says About You

"I have prioritized other things, frankly. And I’ve rejected the notion of feeling guilty or bad or annoyed with myself."

The Victory of a Messy House

Words by Leah Melby Clinton

Whenever anyone comes close to issuing any sort of compliment to me that circles the idea of, “I don’t know how you do it all!” I have a response that’s become increasingly important to get out. And it’s not self-effacing or an example of me refusing to gracefully accept their kindness. Rather, it’s a fact that explains it and making sure other women know it feels urgent and deeply vital.

“It’s because my house is a disaster,” I will always answer, laughing but honest.

Conversations and playdates will remind you that we all sit on a spectrum of tidiness, from the people who are wired in such a way where they can’t function if something is out of place to the multi-tasking aces that have perfected a graceful choreography of putting away right in the middle of the action. (It’s astonishingly impressive to behold.) One of my closest local friends is a lawyer who moonlights as a TikTok commentator yet still needs to put everything away in her basement playroom before she can turn off the lights at the end of the day.

That, readers, is not me. In terms of wiring, I am okay with mess and organized disorganization. I have a lot of things and a Gemini brain that’s quick to flit from thing to thing without the original thing being fully finished. I would likely always be a bit of a mess, and when you add two small children and two adults who work from home, it’s just an avalanche of stuff, constantly.

Laundry gets stuck in the process of moving from hamper to washing machine; there are five different reasons the coffee cup and the plate live somewhere beyond the dishwasher or the cupboard.

I have prioritized other things, frankly. And I’ve rejected the notion of feeling guilty or bad or annoyed with myself for the toys scattered on the carpet and the half-done project on the dining room table. Put things away rather than get extra sleep or work on a project or catch 30 minutes of television with my husband after the kids are asleep?

I would prefer not to.

Now that I’m here at this stage of life, seeing this about myself, it’s made me think back to the other women I might have subtly judged before my life entered this space. I’d think, “Right, yes, but why are there toys all over their driveway??” Thinking back, it feels so obvious: They had prioritized building and laughing and loving instead of channeling some of their finite focus and energy to tidying.

I write this knowing some people literally have a harder time with turning a blind eye to the mess (and, truly, I am sorry—that has to be hard). But I do hope that when you look at someone and think, How do they do it??, you remember that there is a reason, something else they have let slide or go.

And that next time if you happen to glance at a terrifyingly messy car or a yard that looks a bit neglected or a living room floor that, well, yikes, you think, “Good for her.”

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A shopping list so functional and practical, I patted myself on the back for each purchase.

1. I did something kind of crazy and bought this body sculpt cup off of Instagram. I wasn’t expecting some wild overnight transformation, just a way to promote lymphatic drainage. It feels like a spa treatment and a kind of workout all at the same time, and I’m very into it.

2. I’ve been a fan of Skims underwear for a while now, but only recently tried the bras. My immediate reaction was what took me so long? The fit is spot-on, support is ideal, and the fabric is soft and stretchy. The perfect everyday bra.

3. At the urging of a facialist I saw recently, I upgraded my nightly routine to include these retinol pads. They’re not too harsh for my sensitive skin and I’ve already noticed a difference. The texture of my skin is more even, and I feel glowy, too.

4. My mom recommended this to wind down at night and while I love it for me, my girls might love it more. I’ve added a little magnesium massage to their bedtime routine and I swear, everyone seems to be sleeping better.

5. I’m forever in search of great t-shirts. I’ve spent plenty on mediocre ones and found good ones on the cheap, too. That said, my current favorite has ranked number one for the better part of two years. It’s thicker and fitted and the kind of tee you could wear as a top to fancier bottoms, like a lacy skirt or leather pants. xHannah

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Give me all the spring and summer dresses—I’ll show you how to wear them right now.

This pretty cotton shift epitomizes classic summertime style. The clean lines are timeless in that special way where you’d believe me if I told you it’s vintage and I could pass it on to my daughter who could wear it easily in 20 years. It seems to whisper to me that it wants to be worn barefoot and bare-armed, but, alas, there’s still snow on the ground.