Let Them? Yes—and Let Me, Too.
Plus: Advice from bestselling author Neha Ruch on approaching "the power pause" with goals and intentionality top of mind.
If They Won’t, Let Me
Words by Hannah Weil McKinley
It’s a harsh truth that you can’t—despite effort and good intentions—change someone else. Can’t control what they do or what motivates them. Can’t wish they would care or take up the causes that you do. You can hope, but ultimately, it’s useless. You can only ever control or change yourself.
I picked up Mel Robbins’ Let Them and started listening between errands in the car. On my way to pick-up, it started to click: Whatever other people do is never yours to control, so let them. Let them roll their eyes at you or laugh or ignore you. Let them, because you must. That’s all you can ever really do. But the flip side of that is equally, if not more, important: Let me. Let me find the thing that makes me tick and go after it with all I’ve got.
That’s the part to take to heart, no? The piece worth making changes for. The thing that might actually change everything. It’s the thing to cling to right now, I think, too. I thought a lot about how to change opinions during the election—how to make people who seemed to have no regard for the rights of others to care about the things that should matter. In the end, that seemed to change nothing. Not racism or bigotry or even ignorance. So, here we are. And it seems we’re swimming in it. A sea of hate and chaos that threatens to swallow us all up while we’re screaming into the void. So, I have to let them; but I don’t have to listen anymore.
Instead, I’m motivated by the idea that I will also let me seek out what matters and devote myself to finding the causes that help support marginalized groups. Causes that protect our fundamental freedoms and my daughters’ rights to choose a future for themselves. I have found that action has helped to combat fear, so let me do that. Let me find my way in the madness to do something that matters, even if I cannot change the minds of the people that won’t or don’t care.
The thing that gives me hope is that I might continue to change and grow, myself. I’m hopeful when I look to the women around me who aren’t the same. The ones who’ve had second and third acts, who evolve and inspire each time they shed the thing that came before or morph, taking their experience with them as they forge ahead into something new, becoming something new again and again.
I can’t change anyone else, but myself—AND ALSO, growth does, in fact, happen all the time. It still happens when things are dark and when things get hard and also without our noticing. It can surprise us.
I love finding that women who had devoted their lives to something are now passionate about something entirely new—that they’ve tucked into something else with a renewed purpose in building something from the ground up. I love knowing that we can change anytime, and for any reason. It’s not fickle to discover new interests, to switch gears, and to move on. I love knowing that it’s not impossible to untangle from old thoughts or undo years of thinking. It’s possible and it happens all the time. You can’t force it—and you can’t change someone—but you can take comfort in knowing that it’s not unlikely to chart a new course. We’re only human after all, so let us.
If getting older means becoming more classic, and predictable, I’m here for it sartorially.
A cardigan might be one of the most perfect pieces of clothing, and this one is different than any others I own. The sheer sleeves have elegant volume, and the body is so silky smooth. I’ve loved swapping it in for my woolier picks and instantly feel polished. (It’s on sale in navy!)
Phone cases are the accessory you use every day—do you need another reason to find one you love? I find the tactile aspect is important to me, and I love the almost ribbed silicone of this one (plus, the rounded corners feel good, and I imagine help if you drop or bang it around). And when it comes to color, nothing’s better than tomato-orange.
The sisters behind March Hare were some of our earliest supporters, and I love pulling out my uber-classic watch from them. It’s impeccably made and so, so timeless with a skinny little leather band. (And you can snag 20 percent off with code INKIND20).
My all-time favorite suede loafer is on sale right now (!). I’ve worn my pair for almost five years at this point, and it just seems to get softer and more slipper-like the more beat-up it gets.
Mascara used to be my desert-island makeup pick, but I think I’d go with highlighter now. I’ve tried a few, and this one is probably the best: It glides on beautifully, and the effect is immediate and long-lasting. xLeah
Nothing “fancy,” just favorites.
I’ll echo Leah’s sentiments from last week that finding the just-right fit or feel of a “basic” is my first priority when it comes to stocking my closet. I’ll spend on everyday pieces that wear well and flatter my body, and ultimately, that’s what makes them special. They’re quality and they feel like me.
