How to Know When Something's Over

"I have failed to see that in that shift there is space for something new or something better."

It’s Not the End

Words by Hannah Weil McKinley

For much of my life, I’ve struggled to embrace change as it comes. Dragging my feet, reluctantly giving myself over to the fact that something I’ve been content with is changing or ending. Change is hard, and still it happens all the time, even more so now…

So, I’m reading a book to my daughters on a Saturday night while they’re oblivious to the political upheaval and the protests and their rights being stripped away. And it’s an incredible thing to see how your children can refocus you—can put the emphasis on exactly what’s happening in the room and not in the larger world around you. So, I’m there. Snuggling and soaking it in, watching my daughters take in every word and trace their fingers over the pictures.

Motherhood is funny that way—it asks you to be vigilant and keep the world safe for your children. To care about the larger threats to society and to the planet so your children will have a fighting chance; but then it shifts your attention inward, too. If you’re lucky, you can answer that demand, and see only what’s in front of you. You can see just your children and how they need you. You can study their fears and their happiness like it’s all that is or has ever mattered. Just you and your babies.

At this particular bedtime, my girls chose Finding Winnie, the true story of A.A. Milne’s inspiration for Winnie the Pooh. It details how an army veterinarian found a bear he cared for and raised in the midst of World War I, and then brought that bear, named Winnie, to the London Zoo. That’s where A.A. Milne and his son discovered the bear and formed a friendship with her, serving as the real-life inspiration for Milne’s beloved Winnie the Pooh stories. The hardest part of the story is, of course, when the army vet who adopted and cared for Winnie takes her to the zoo, at which point, the narrator’s son asks, “Is that the end?”

The other remarkable part of parenting is re-learning, or even learning for the first time right alongside your children. A book they chose now seemed plucked from the shelf just for me, putting the emphasis on all the uneasiness I have ever had around change and more particularly the changes we’re facing right now.

The constant swirling and unsteadiness of being a mother, staring humanitarian crises in the face, then shepherding my own children through their privileged but still erratic little journeys. I’m lost in it sometimes. I had gotten so used to routine, and then all this. I have struggled often with knowing when something is over, begrudgingly letting go. I have failed to see that in that shift there is space for something new or something better. But, ah-ha! This seemed to crystallize it all for me. How sweet that their little story seemed written just for me—a reminder that you won’t recognize the next part, won’t let it happen, if you’re clinging too fiercely to what you’ve already known or done or lived.

It’s not always a comfort to think that we must diverge or do things differently, but it is a call to action. If you’ve relished in the contentment of a constant routine, the disruption is not an end. It may look like it, may feel like the world ending around you, but when you recognize it as an alternate route—the possibility of a new story beginning—there’s something more like innovation and clarity there. The way forward to something better, too. So, carry on.

Always carry on.

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Basic and easy but oh-so-good is the ultimate trifecta.

1. If you follow me on Instagram, you’ve likely heard me raving about these jeans over the last week. I’ve loved my original pair since buying them after spotting them on a stylish woman and ordered another pair after one of my favorite creators reminded me of how fab they are. This rinse (“Verified Vintage”) is sitting in my cart, too…

2. A dear friend sent me this balm-slash-gloss after hearing me say that I could never find lip products that hit the right mix of color and texture. So far, it’s a winner, glossy but not mirror-like, with visible color that’s not dramatic.

3. Yup, another mention of this poppy pink blush. It’s actually the third color I purchased of this formula—I was worried at first it’d be too much—but I wish I’d done it first. It sticks around (compared to more subtle shades that look pretty for the first five minutes after application), and multiple people have commented on it while Zooming.

4. This might be the priciest knit I’ve ever bought, but every time I slip it on I’m reminded that it was so worth it. The cut is wildly flattering and unique to anything else I own, and the wool-cashmere blend is so, so soft. (There is a Quince version I’ve seen someone wear that tricked me into thinking it was the same, should you be after a lower price point—another similar cut here.)

5. Until spring arrives, I’ve found myself reaching for my favorite loafers more than ever. It’s more polished than a sneaker but gives more coverage than most of my flats (a pro if your feet tend to get chilly while you’re working). xLeah

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The perfect winter cocktail dress is actually a sweatshirt?

While I’ll second Leah’s sentiment that a summer dress is only layers away from becoming a favorite winter look, I’ve also realized that a great knit dress is the seasonal cocktail-dressing unlock I was missing.